stream of rambling consciousness

Have you ever had a moment (or two) where you don’t exactly know or understand why something is happening? I’m sure you have. It’s not like it’s an uncommon occurrence or anything. Everyone has had that kind of moment before. I should probably clarify a little though. We’ve been dealing with some pretty harsh and stressful environments on the employment front for a while. We’ve had our house on the market for a few months now (with no nibbles, I might add). And, we’ve been dealing with being a one-income family for about a year. All of these things have been a bit overwhelming at times. The “work” issues are being especially stressful tonight.

*Sidenote: I like to write. A LOT. I don’t do stories and stuff (though I did when I was younger). I mainly write/blog to clear my head or to have a way to get an update to our family that may read this. This particular entry happens to be a “clearing the head” kind of entry.*

As this is a head-clearing kind of entry, I have to say that I know I won’t be able to get EVERYTHING out there to clear my head. With our world being as petty as it is sometimes, I have to be careful when I talk about some things. It’s sad, but I know that it’s entirely possible that my life could be made much more difficult all because of something I may type here. You’ll have to forgive me if I happen to think that since it is MY particular blog that I should be able to write whatever I want (within reason, of course) and voice my opinion in a safe way. Unfortunately, that is not the case. So, I will try to proceed as best as I can, and hope that I can make sense of the madness.

I am conflicted on where God wants us to be. I don’t know what He’s working on and it bothers me to be in a sense of limbo, as it were. I love where we are in the sense of our church. I have loved being a member of First Baptist Church of Theodore. I’ve joined the choir, I have been helping with the children’s choir, and the kids are doing very well there. The hubs enjoys being there as well. I just feel like we are finally getting settled in with a church family that really meets our needs. However, things outside have been chaotic at times. I feel like it’s probably a result of the devil being mad that we’re not giving in to his temptations, so that’s why I’m having such a hard time. Work stuff is continuing to be very, VERY hard to deal with – to the point that we don’t exactly know what our next step needs to be. I feel like we are meant to be here, but I’m having a hard time with all the other difficulties that are going on right now.

We had a Sunday School lesson a few weeks ago that dealt with praising God no matter the circumstance. I can tell you that this lesson has been hitting hard for a while. I know that He is the One in control of our lives, but I can say from experience that it is so hard to keep Him in my thoughts when there are so many stressful things around me. I want to be that person who is able to keep my head and heart focused on being the woman, wife, and mother that God wants me to be. It’s a daily struggle though. I used part of this verse when I was tweeting to a friend earlier today, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” It meant a lot then and it still means that much now. I need to continue believing and trusting that God will work it all out for His glory.

We’ll need some prayers in the upcoming weeks. It’s so easy for us to give in to the complaining and the wallowing, but we need to be strong in our faith and our trust in God during the stressful times. Please pray that we can keep our wits about us. 🙂


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