babies and big girls

B is a big girl. She’ll even tell you that herself. I was playing with E the other day and getting her to stand some and put weight on her legs and calling her a big girl. B says “She not big girl. I’m big girl.” I just had to laugh. Later that same day, I was again playing with the baby and B did something (I cannot remember what) that made me tell her to move, but I accidentally called her by her brother’s name. Well, apparently, once you have more than 2 kids that can happen! So, she says, “I’m not bubba. I’m B.” She did actually say her name though. She’s too funny. But she is also a big girl. She’s done so well with potty training since we started that I decided to just let her be ‘all panties all the time’ now. She used to wear pull ups at night mainly because I didn’t want to be woken up in the middle of the night if she’d had an accident. And she would certainly do that. So, we’re making sure she’s gone to the bathroom right before bed and that she’s put up the cups at least an hour before bed. She’s been perfectly fine all week long. I’m sure that if she ever got of schedule at all, we’d be in for an accident, but as long as we stick to the way we normally do things here, she’ll be fine.

E is growing so quickly too… She’s still a baby, but before I know it, she’ll be toddling around and getting into everything. She turned 5 months old today. It doesn’t seem like it’s been 5 months since I had a baby. She is doing well with her eating. She eats that dried cereal like a champ. Of course, I have to mix homemade applesauce or pears in it first. B never ate that stuff. I tried and tried with her, but she just would not eat it. I got her to take it from a bottle a few times, but she couldn’t stand the consistency. I ended up having to get the jarred cereal for her. That is a bit more expensive, so I’m very glad that E is taking to this kind. 

I have been reading the blog of a woman who just lost her baby. She started the blog while she was pregnant because her baby girl was sick. She had a kidney disease and the doctors had basically told her that the chances of her baby girl living after birth were slim to none. They, of course, still prayed that God would heal their baby, but had to go through the motions and preparations that come with death. They have 2 older children too. I have often thought and prayed for this family. I am incredibly heartbroken that the doctors were right and this precious life was only here for 5 hours. But I am happy because I know that she is with God now and her body is made perfect. I cannot even begin to imagine what her mother is feeling. All throughout the blog, she is very honest about her emotions throughout everything. They knew early on that their baby was sick and have had to deal with congratulations from strangers about the impending arrival while they are planning her funeral service because it was highly unlikely that she’d survive after she was born. I just can’t fathom how you deal with that. I know that this mother has extreme faith. Her words inspired me because she was so raw and honest with her human faults and weaknesses, but she still realized Who was in control of it all. I pray that if I ever have to go through something like that, that I will be able to humble myself enough to allow God to work His glory through my pain. 

I would sit and just cry when I read her posts and when I came across other posts by people about this kind of thing. There is an organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep that has photographers who donate their time to provide free portraits for families who have lost their babies after birth. I will admit that at first, I didn’t really understand why anyone would want a picture of that. However, after having 3 kids myself… I get it. You spend 9 months or so carrying this miracle inside you, praying that everything will be okay when he/she finally appears and all you want to do is hold them and kiss them and cuddle them. Babies are just so incredibly precious. They are entirely dependent on you and it’s so powerful to know that God has entrusted you with this tiny person. Well, what if this tiny person was not going to be able to stay with you after birth? The part of me that wants to close everyone off is the part of me that doesn’t like the idea of having those kinds of pictures. I wouldn’t want to re-live the pain of losing my baby. However, now I know that I would rather have these precious pictures to remind me that my baby is made whole again and that he/she was a blessing even in the short time that we had him/her. 

I just had these random thoughts going on tonight. Please remember the above mentioned family in your prayers. Though they knew it would happen this way, it doesn’t diminish the pain that they feel in her loss. God will work His glory in their pain. His power is made perfect in our weakness. They just need some extra love and support right now.

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